Signature 5: Chlorine

It’s all about value, at least in our beloved Bryan Manolakos’ eyes. Turns out Hell didn’t actually have to freeze over for my man to sign the Deep Water. Instead all it took was the price of chlorine tabs to spike 3x like 7/16 OSB plywood, any used vehicle and toilet paper. The Manos were about to head out on a lengthy family vacation and in order to prevent their pool from turning into a pond they needed roughly 15 tabs of chlorine. Randomly they were also taking a quick trip up to Cuse for a family visit before vacation and even more randomly I just so happened to have exactly 15 chlorine tabs sitting in my garage. Had I been following chlorine markets that shit would have been sold on eBay months ago.

Mano: Yo dudes I’m coming to Cuse, who has chlorine tabs and Tide Pods? I refuse to pay MSRP.

Lemke: Nah dude, kold. Get a salt system.

Jeff: I have what you need.

Mano: We’re 22 minutes away. I’ll see you in 10.

PulpFiction.com: an unofficial Pulp Fiction and other Quentin Tarantino  movies fan site

9 minutes 37 seconds later the Manos are at my house for a quick hang and to pick up provisions. My plan is coming to fruition. We exchange hugs and pleasantries. We play a little grab ass. I offer my goddaughter a sparkling water. Then we get down to business. First I showed Mano my tub of 15 chlorine tabs. His pupils immediately dilated. Next, I ran down to the basement to grab a fistful of Tide Pods and a Sharpie. I took the stairs 3 at a time out of pure excitement. All I could find was a red Kirkland brand marker. Ugh!

I barged through the garage door and produced the Pods, Deep Water and the marker. Quid pro quo, Mano, what’s in going to be? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours!

A little begrudgingly, but happy with the deal (and perhaps even a little happy with my ruse) Mano squats down and gets into signing position. He gives one last look back at his family, who give him the nod of approval. Then he draws a big, red cock. The head was throbbing, just like my heart.

There’s probably not much I can tell you about Mano you don’t already know. You certainly know his player profile:

  • PTQs Won – A few
  • Pro Tour Appearances – A few (to zero acclaim)
  • Winner – LOBSTERCON I
  • Semi-Finalist – n00bcon 11
  • Founding father of Team Sped, first possible second best Magic Team Sped, founder of ATC, most kids Team Sped, curator of the Broken Draft, best Fireball Team Sped, Best Coke Zero etc, etc etc.

But maybe we can dig a little deeper into the guy behind the best show notes in Old School podcasts. Bryan Manolakos is truly a good man. And thorough. So thorough, in fact, that he organizes every detail of every Sped Weekend ever (in a good way). I’m 100% convinced that if Mano died tomorrow we would never have another Sped Weekend again. There’s just no way the rest of us could get our shit together to pull off a procedure like a Sped Weekend.

There are seriously a fuck ton of details as many of you TOs know. Pizza, bagels, Qdoba bar, beers, ice, shuffled BD, shrink wrapped BD packs, pool at 87 degrees, South Park in the DVD player, Borat on deck, NES hooked up, Game Cube and 4 non-Wave Birds hooked up, Little Debbie snacks and chips of many kinds procured, salad for Farkas, blankets and pillows, Budweiser for Cohen… Seriously I could go on for pages here. Mano always nails it. Another thing about Mano is he knows a ton of life tech before it becomes mainstream. He was the first person that fed me sushi, for example. A better example is we’ll walk into arguably the best pizza shop in the entire world and he’ll say “can you slightly undercook the pie?” Like who does that?? Ever heard of Dole Whip at Disney World? Thank Mano for that. Also thank him for the techy little Chicken Waffles place right behind Cinderella’s Castle. He also reinvented the fanny pack before Kendall Jenner brought it back into fashion. I’m pretty sure the only thing he was late to the party on was counter butter. So there you have it. Sometimes you find a friend that shapes your life and Mano is truly one of those dear friends. In fact, I’ve found a way to express his impact on me and ran 2 mathematical models to express the exponential growth of my personal happiness over time. Love you bro!

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